We, as consumers, have a patriotic (though certianly conspiratorial and not simple) duty to point out the problems with internet culture, because increasingly, you spend about half your day looking at an electronic device plugged into your wall, itself with no personality or life.
I urge you know your own goods.
What you are Consuming: Here are some ways of distinguishing internet consumption from your average hello, lol, ...instant massage conversation.
Shameless Friends (here's how your friends can be more impersonal and ask you for things without having to look you in the eye)
FreeCellys1243: It's me Dan. Looking for a new cell phone? Click here
Bulky Bob: Dan you are always trying to sell me things. Last time you ripped me off on Veiera, or Viagra, whatever. Did you get a 7th new screename? http://abc.go.com/daytime/theview/bios/meredith_vieira.html is this what you were talking about?, cause I blew it all......all my money here and all I get are Views!
Sexual Exploitation:(according to most these days: all sex, less relationship is better....... so heres how instant massaging is a pimp)
HottiesfromMegan23456: hey there sexy, wanna have a good time? Live free girls and webcams. click here
Bulky Bob: Why cant we just talk anymore?
RPG Friend Getter: (how instant massaging deals with making new friends based on pre-packaged common goals or traits. You don't meet them first.)
GandalftheWIZARDTANK: I don't know you, but....Wanna play Mana of Power: The Rise of Dolf Lundgren card game? It's version 2. issue 4, I've got all the cards, puzzles, mood setting cds, and play battle armor? I'm 27 years old, a level two wizard, necro spells at level 4, looking for a orc bashing good time.
Bulky Bob: Nah, but nice to meet you and good product placement......Call me Napoleon, Warhead of Destruction- Conquerer Level 10....
Bulky Bob: I've gotta spend at least four hours salivating over Mordor in my LOTR game of Risk with myself. Besides Mommy's taking me out tommorrow to buy my first pair of shorts/boxers and fix my Harry Potter glasses. The kids at school say I have a football head, but I think it only enhances my plans for world domination or wedgies. Maybe some other time, Gandy....
Un-neccessary Cynic: Nothing Can quite Live Up to STAR WARS: (how instant massaging deals with disagreement)
masHBalls: Ew look at me, Star Warts nerd, Start Wars nerd. Nothing compares to Ice Princess or Mighty Ducks III.........Those are what movies and male sports should be these days
Bully Bob: Ew Yeah look at me, I'll admit it, I'm Bulky Bob, I'm so nerdy for liking star Wars, light sabers....powers of the Wickett....ew....ew...
Bulky Bob: Listen, mock me in your alien tongues, for a protocal droid I am not...... You should worship me and take your father's place at my side... I run a great galactic empire, full of diverse aliens. I've made a clone army, I've invaded planets, I've let entire systems slip through my grasp
Bulky Bob: I've had Leia, Jabba, and his little puppet pet all at the same time.......masHBalls..... I should have expected to find you holding Bully's leash. I recognized his foul stench when he was brought online. I've made people out of midiclorians, and the two attack droids coming to your house right now will show you the true meaning of the force.....of the hit. It's not gonna be a Kamino saber dart, I've got the death sentance in a thousand instant massages. (blocked for harassment, LMMBO!)
Symbolism Masked (how the internet helps us to understand more than what is present)
peeked89: *9join 0876me %%%%%%%%%^&%%%%%%%%#$$$@
Bulkybob: Wow, Shaniqua you have shown me the meaning of life. Your use of the phrase "Mon philsophe. Je serre, donc s'il vous plait. " I respond to your enlightenment.....J'ai placé une pastèque dans mon pantalon où il y a un grand suasage.
peeked89: abort*******abort*******
AOL SYSTEM: Your warning level has been increased to 100%. This may inhibit some of your online activities or log you off for a cooling off period.
A Trojan of a Hidden Meaning: (the back door of internet culture....How massages include hidden messages, secret meanings, or trojan horse viruses.)
Whorton SecurityChief: ALERT! Your system is vulnerable to fatal viruses. Purchase our new Internet Security Suite for $350.99 in four installments and recieve a free pop-up blocker!
BulkyBob: I ain't got no viruses. Doc checked me out, and all your little pop up windows saying I got a virus are false. You've got the virus, the wrong message and advertising campaign, you sicko, leave me and ADell alone
ERR Message 092: System will now dump memory. Click "Yes" or "Yes (No, but Yes)" to begin formatting hardrive.
Whorton SecurityChief: Thank you for purchasing two copies of Internet Security Suite. Your records and credit are safe with us.
The Weak Minded, Fortitude Finding (how the internet deals with education, discussing views, getting higher education)
UniversityDeanEDU: Wanna Earn a degree online? We have advanced degrees in mathematics, computer science, and technology. Easy to sign up and you'll earn a degree in two years
Bulky Bob: What sort of Degree Mr. Dean Edu? I followed your types of education before, and three years as a caged monkey boy in the carnival isn't exactly "higher" education. It was a fortifying experience alright, but you and your pop-up, virus teaching technology can stuff it like most of higher education today!
I've Got Something YOU NEED: (The Absolute Must Have)
disclaimer: legal advice and my own strong moral and immature convictions prevents me from including both the graphic language, that is frankly over my head, but also the smiley face, which I consider to be the most lewd and offensive. They used to burn people at the stake for this kind of stuff, and I am wondering if a bit of Puritanism isnt needed. Thanks Judge Clinton
TomthumbtheLarger1: My name is Tom. I think I might have something you'd like to get your hands
Bulky Bob: You've always been a bit of a know it all. Everytime I've asked you a question, you always respond with the same silent attitude. You mean feet, Tom. I've proven it to you. I dont know what your talking about when you say this stuff about wood work..... When we measured, I was five feet two tall. I showed you with the webcam, in the exact conditions you requested, and you promised me you were watching......BTW..... What are these girls you speak of gentleman friend?
An in your face Musculinity: (body size cannot be communicated through a screen name or instant massaging. How ultra-masculines compensate for the feeling of security or rather how the internet provides for the weaker, smarter on the net.)
The600PoundToaster2222: Wanna gain muscle mass? Wanna Toast those extra pounds?Ultra-Flex poundage supplement will save you on average 10 trips to the gym. Tired of curls, gurls, and bondage to your fellow man? You can be like me, six pack abs and brain to match! Ultra-Flex Calcium Plus C is the ultimate way to get gurls to meet you. Click here:
Bulky Bob: Wow Mr. Toaster, I've always wanted to meet you in person but frankly you've always seemed a bit intimidating when I watch you. But somehow I still look at you as a dad: Brave and Useful. You remind me of the time my daddy used to cook me breakfeast, and as a talking appliance with two well groomed toast elevators, I'm sure that you'll get me lifting bread weights in no time, LMT(oast)O!.....It's what I need to stop those Phi iota goons. I had always seen myself as a Lampy type before I found your website and signed up for membership! I'm going to get buttered up!
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.toaster.org/images/misc/misc_bltoaster3.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.toaster.org/misc.html&h=305&w=195&sz=19&tbnid=f9XqQ40kJ-wJ:&tbnh=111&tbnw=71&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dbrave%2Blittle%2Btoaster%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D&oi=imagesr&start=1
Their Mind, Your Body. (medicate, folks, that's what they want you to do to see more of the internet without excercising. In fact you must've been medicated to have read most of this)
DietPillsPlus3678: Tired of taking 10 pills or more? Your weightloss not payed for by the government? Get the cheap alternative that guarantees to cut your poundage down at least a ton. Click here
Bulky Bob: Got the wrong number, Mr. Pill Plus. No, you click here http://www.michounet.com/fatman/
