Slickerfist

It's really good to see your voice, tasting my name:

For your fall pleasure:

A cure for depression.

At the height of my popularity at school and in the glory days of parties, power, and many talents of which you are most likely incapable of possessing, the leader of our strong Warhead Alliance once told me that I would someday grow five condom covered male appendages from my fingers to impregnate willing women at parties or church social events. Five penises on my fingers that is....

One hand given to me by the alliance was the hand of the blog and the other?

......Perhaps you do not understand the time period. This was a time when we were adored, like war hereos wizard dualing the dorks, bedding cheerleaders (the ugly ones), and ruining the careers of poor teachers. This was an age when we mocked the LARPers, when we went to parties and bars, and started fights with Italyans for control of the East side docks and made questionable drug deals for incorrect amounts in fictitious currencies..... These were rough times, times before the storm called the "Real" Life , when we were swindled out of nose candy, but someone, someone named Jesus, got us through it....

Somehow I do not believe your tales of lust and popularity either. Somehow I think your analysis about sports is all wrong. Where are the Jets these days? What about the big cat teams? Why cant the Tigers break it through the 40 yard line and pitch it into the basket by the Woods. Somehow, I think your poetry is all about fishy smells and low volume cell phone address books.

But follow me with this example for a few moments, for you expect alot more out of internet losers with your garbage/creativity and certianly a religious patience to read your time-wasting profiles. I promise you, I only spend a few million dollar moments on my profiles. Besides, I bet you check ESPN.com or fantasy football stats for actual winners a dozen times or more a day, a fraction of the mere moments that it takes to witness the author(s) making fun of themselves here:

It feels so sweet



I assure you, knatty-mc-internet-checkers, the time to write this blog does not excede the 15 minutes I have alotted around sensual orgies, hot sweaty moments....... of learning and typing and picture alterations.

Before you laugh, ask yourself this question: "How many times a day do I need to check an empty mailbox? How many times a day do I have to wait for a comment from a "friend on myspace" or ask "why havent the Weird Al or Aaron Carter bots posted me back on myspace"?

Do you find yourself asking alot of "Why" questions? Maybe its time to re-enroll in religious ed. or He-Man/Sheera 101 at your local community college, at night with an unqaulified and unfocused teacher. Then you'll have some direction. I guess the larger question I am asking about this subject is:

"How many bot friends do I have on myspace- superstars that dont really know who "www.myspace.com/342348985" or "Ineedalottafriends" are? I'd think you were way cooler if you spoke on the phone with Aaron Carter. He did beat Shaq and wants Candy.

In spite of these questions, I think this post will bond all of you together in your criticism, and perhaps get you to stop touching each other for just a moment, at least in your minds..... Wrestling is a sport, I guess.

Coming from the hips of an angel

I am a firm believer in taking some of the stupid things that are said and done out there and expanding upon those ideas. Soon (and maybe not in this post) I'll help you to understand what happens when you Bring Sexy Back.... or "When Nice Guys Finish Last" or "when does life start for me? or when you stop asking "When" questions and starting answering "Now Now Now' to something other than roleplaying with fantastical hereos or corrections in your body structure to give you perfect abs or chests, though I'm more inclined toward the Lord's feminine perfection of the latter.

You've no doubt seen whole stories written on this site. Of course every character is modeled after someone out there, every word intentional, everything done so you check. If you dont, then God Bless You, because if you arent on this site, than you're probably watching Dancing with the Stars or hitting something other than the digits from another human being on your cellular telephone.

And why have so many reverted back to the use of "Hitting the Cell"? In some countries you can be shot for that, I think, at least thats what my border crossing friends tell me. In other countries they take it out on their women. Even so, your extremely useful knowledge of politics and the American language (invented by the Founding Fathers in 1982) can help pass a law that will bring our troops home to police abuse of cell phones. I've always wanted to let you, the youth of America, rule the world. This is a good start! Maybe, if you're in charge then whiny people will stop complaining and start making more myspaces!




So back to a real social life:

Seeing those words it makes me pee

At first I mistook this strange symbolism (five penises on my fingers) as another one of our Fearless Leader's often bizarre outbursts, reflective of the sick and perverse sort of minds that we, adult males, have today. I was in a tough situation with a group of popular people, and unlike internet cyber porn consumers, I had warm bodies nearby.

Often you ask "MW why must you be so biting in your criticism." I would retort why must you acutally must bite each other, for that hurts alot, and how does that relate to baby-making? When will you ever baby make? Do I ever want to see the babies made? And should you figure it out, how long does it take for the average baby to learn how to create a proper myspace video?

Unless of course your making little vampire babies because that must be what the whole kinky sex thing is about, that all of your internet time is leading up to.

So vampire makers.....I already told you why such criticism from me is the norm on this site, why the name Warhead was conferred upon me. So heres a chance to enjoy a different type of nickname, one that both mocks me and yet is self-adopted as a symbol of pride of all the sticks and stones, and bones that you use on each other; boners!

On being a warhead

All clicks gets recorded, I know just what and whom have been here. And you all most definately have! ALOT

And I never wanna see goodbye

Maybe when the disagreement is over, we can move forward, I'll have an adult alcoholic beverage, you can have the O'douls or the Apple Pineapple Lite Martini Pucker (also NA) and we can all agree that Lips of an Angel is about the worst song ever written. Phew, that exhale felt like modern rock just came alive again. Yet other groups always have to go and rise up to strangle music in its sleep like Hippety Hop mogul R. Kelly and elementary school melody makers like Nickelback. I want every nickel back that each person out there spends on your "Photographs" and I could care less if I just gave the reason for the creation of the band's name in the first place. Lincoln Park? How original is that? Lincoln? Abolitionist to whiny emo children out there? I think not!

I digress.....

But Earl you make it hard to be Old Faithful

The group laughed as I thought they would. He was not finished making his comments and I was forced to accept whatever mocking the group gave me. I also thought that the comment (five penises on my fingers) was indicative of the kind of combative relationship that most people have today, for I've always thought my hands are worthy of the great hand models of our time. One hand was so good, I was able to hire someone in another country to create the characters off the keyboard and create my fist. I'm told they spent a week at 10 cents an hour to create the Hand of Blog so I could steal the characters from another.

Your inspiration for this blog...

See, my friends wanted to mock me. They wanted to make me cringe, because I had a big head, I was short, white and nerdy. I was brilliant, I had shredded them and mocked them every waking moment of their existence. I was attractive in a "I want to be part of world wide dominance type of way," for most women have not found out how attractive I can be, when compared to other grunts-that-will-have-to-die-so-I-can-rule, type people out there. They wanted to make fun of me back. This was their time! Or so they thought.......

I never realized that this nickname was such a potent symobol to fellow testosteroine-heavy males such as myself. Where insults are hurled regularly, where meanness prevails and overly sensitive people listen to stupid and whiny music to make up for these problems, these comments prevail.

Yet I want to question these type people, especially when they think weird things of each other. We, human beings, want to make each other into things that we perhaps are not. But I say GO with these creations. Take them to the extreme. Why else do we have the No Man's Land of Retardation, but to show by example when stupidity happens?

Our dear leader also had many healthy relationships lasting less than ten minutes with more than enough atractive members of the opposite sex at multiple points throughout the years. My relationships with the milkmaid and the bag lady reached no such proportions.
Who needs? Relentless sex without the relationship or the stuffed animal presents. Cold and domineering experimentation with food and feeding tubes. Chains and whips to sail ships.

With the lips of an Bagel