I ask the penetrating questions:
They say Warch, Warhead, W-balls, Strange-o-Derange-o, Slickerfist, Hottie, Stein, Vader, Big Boy, Jamal, Ernie-Jamal, Matty Cakes, Dexter, Koopa, and yes even God,
Why must we pretend to be things;
-through our internet profiles (including quizzes or picture posts....Rob was the one I got to first, sorry Rob, nothing personal, http://community.webshots.com/user/robbie_bo_bobby),
-through our sappy music (yes that means you, fellow Aaron Carter fans),
-to like each other (yes you, you know who you are),
-to be part in fictitious, meaningless clubs (Jets, Red Soxs, Hoyts4Lifers, other nonsense entities),
-to not use steriods (yes you Chad Pennington, Curt Schilling)
-or wear clothes (yes, girls, you know who you are, wink wink)?
-Somehow these summaries always lose their point..like most of you...take a lesson I guess...oh well
The gravest threat to our society, besides actually caring for what people put on their profiles/away messages/blogs, stems from a developing evil element lurking around our society:
Known as LARP, or Live Action Role Playing, this secret organization actually exists, bent on creating a medieval/robot/Matrix/Lord of the Rings/Star wars/comic book/ anything involving the creation of a loser reality, and acting out those roles, here in our very own superficial community.
At SUNY Oswego, we, the anti-LARPERS (our leader being the popular Mr. Jesse Fey, Mr. Joey Cossack-the aging jokster, Mr. Jeff C.- the insessent socialite, Mr. Mike Capel- the world famous writer, and myself- the popular genius. See we have our own roles to pretend) witnessed their growing power at certian dining halls. Sitting in the center, elevated platform in the student Union, we watched their evil kingdom, witnessed their ability to encircle the native college population, and collected frightening stories of their incredibile loser ways.
Talking to one "Tomas," our very own Mike Capel noted some of their habits around campus, real life people engaging in such actions.
See if I am judgemental:
Who are these people?
Unusual- yes. Old enough to vote, drink legally, and serve their country- Unfortunately, yes. They replace your typical geek, nerd, dork, computer hacker, and instead unify around certian fantastical elements. They, like me, are akward to talk to in person.
But do not underestimate- their ugliness, ackward communication skills, glasses, ugly and un-combed hair (they dont use Pantene Pro V, nor do they gell their hair with Ultra-Mega Gel!!!!!!!!!), fishey smell (no Axe here boys), hand knit sweaters (metro-sexual turtle-knecks, no way) and coddling by an ackward relationship with their parents (quoted one family "two parents, 1-2 loving siblings- UGH- what has happened to society" righteously complained Mr., Mr., Mr(s.)? and Mrs. Pat Chris Jeanne Doe-Johnson).
All of these features are merely a disguise, like a removable pair of glasses, and Christopher Reeves undergoing the extreme make-over of both Superman and Clark Kent. When given the 12(") foot Sword of Power from the ancient He-mage of Kong "Eritrea the Wicked" (Eugene Edward Kurpluntkiss, III- double major in Calculus, Astrophysics, and a minor in creative fiction writing) (the weapon: a wet stick, covered with aluminum foil), a certian rage (more like a pre-determined story-line, though Oscar worthy in its execution) envelops our case-study, and his group of friends.
Where does this epic take place?
Waged across the ancient battlefield of Doomsfield Swamp (the center campus construction project), full of battlefield obstructions to kill the Horde's terrifying elephants (metal fences to keep drunk college kids off the dangerous construction, the elephants are sticks, or if lucky, bicycles, or whatever fantasy between their legs) or Hart Hall, a complex maze of cave trolls (the muscular fraternities who raid the building for booty), goblins (sadistic stoners), helpful priests (NYPIRGers, Green Party Members, those truly knowledgful of punk rock, or voters of Ralph Nader) or banshees (the most attractive, yet uniform, of the sororities).
How do they do it, oh so well?
They become all powerful, casting out magical spells, hacking into the mainframe, or using Han Solo's missing lightsaber techniques------- with words like "U plurbus nunam" ("I shot you with a level three fireball, with level 4 area damage" victim falls down on the ground with a pathetic yelp, incomplete disbelief that their own powers had been bested)
-or commanding "100110001" in binary code, sending out robot tentacles that have psychic powers, matched only by the Real Matrix, to cripple the enemy
(typical combat situation: Not-so-Neo: "100110001" Agent Double O Smith "what did you just say" whisper [here's where I alter your reality, and you exit the Matrix, to realize you are living in a shell])
Why are they so harmful to society?
Level Three fireballs. Good luck against that and the Matrix, when they control your future financial investments.
What's a typical day for them?
get up at 6 AM- breakfest and meditation with Yoda's voice, alone- prepare spirit for days combat
6:03- served the wrong meal, skipped in line- no complaint- add to the secret hitlist/potential Sith lords
7 AM-10PM- chosen classes- math, storytelling, fiction, science fiction, advanced computing, homework each existing minute
1:30PM- intimidation by a member of the cool fraternity on campus, codenamed here as Alpha Sigma Sigma (grrr I hate when they do that...... but to not me, no, never)
10PM- secret LARP activities: call a session of your king's council at Hewitt Union for drink and merryment, observing medieval manners of loudness, obnoxious behaviour, eating with hands (i.e.------eating all foods with their hands, drink and merryment, observing medieval manners of loudness, obnoxious behaviour, eating with hands, eat with hands, loud, eat with hands, loud, eat with hands, loud, eat with hands, loud, eat with hands, loud, eat with hands, loud, eat with hands, loud)
-brief intoxication and use of steriods- (Coke supplied from local vendors)
- 10:30 PM battle for Middle-Campus begins anew each night, with a new goal, new object of power. For example toppling the Evil She-Queen of the Cold Hart Keep (Hart Hall, room 210, check them out, boy are they weird. Them be Foreigners too)
-campus battle- 5-10 LARPers running around with plastic swords, bed-sheets as capes, Burger King Crowns, cardboard leantoos as command centers, condiment props (ketchup-blood, relish-guts, mustard-puss), until a member's death for the day(usually arranged so said member can return to the all-night study room for a pop-homework assignment the next day). Dont worry there are spells of ressurection.
-3:00 AM- video games/ internet multi-playing
5:58 AM- Sleep
5:59 AM- Neo offers them a blue and red pill....Take the blue pill and "they wake up in their bed and believe whatever they want to believe. Take the red pill and they stay in Wonderland, and He shows them how deep the rabbit hole goes.” Guess which they choose.
6:00 AM- day begins anew
BASED ON TRUE PEOPLE, TRUE EVENTS, TRUE PLACES- NAMES HAVE BEEN REPLACED, BUT CAPTURE THEIR TRUE SPIRIT.
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About me and why you should convert towards my ways:
A guiding rant:
Chalked up to arrogance or simple brilliance, I have decided to post a little of your output, from some of my most devoted friends/followers and tards. I, personally, offer their poems and output, since responses to this blog are only open to those best qualified to answer these questions, (ok, Ill admit it, a "blog" isnt an open web discussion forum, it's a discussion group for qualified members on a specific topic, e.g. computers, economics, politics... etc., which is precisely why I chose a blog and not a journal, because frankly I dont want to share my personal life on the internet, and I dont really care what you have to say or think about it, except you Pooky...wink wink), and since registering would mean that you are qualified to talk about the boring, and useless stuff on the internet, like this rant, I feel it is best not to make an example of yourself and be the first one to copy this blog or post here, as few or none have, thereby showing your own stupidity, lack of creativity, lack of understanding of what I have been saying, and ability to waste our time with negative internet consumption, for to join and/or comment would mean we would be laughing at you, instead of me simply doing the pointing and the laughing. And then nobody wins, ok?
Forget all that, because based on my research and your responses, your mind cannot handle large paragraphs, (if you have gotten here or read this extra addition, typical of what I put on this blog) you probably missed some key point or aspect, for your mind tends to skip long things, unfamiliar or big words, commas (which, you, and me, seem to add, but do not understand, how much, they, confuse the sentence,) or gravitates towards colors (that are shiny). But I digress, Here is my blog and here is a living and breathing example of the stupidity out there today.
Good luck at the pictures, I'm watching you and laughing everytime you click.
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