The Self-Sexual

Gaining approval through self-confidence in your body:

I have supported many ideas through this blog. I supported the enslavement of a hispanic boy who asked for a hearing device at our box office at marquee cinemas. Hands that became dirty from money needed to be cleaned, and this boy disrespected all Americans enough, with his perfect English grammar and Midwest accent, to be captured for life to clean our money-dirty hands.

The biggest piece of consensus we have reached at Marquee Box Office is that it's appropriate to slaughter a live elk at a children's birthday party. Parents are ravenous for this task and eager to supply youngsters with the short knives that it would take 15-20 of the little devils to slaughter a bull elk in its prime. Supplying a birthday party or trading card convention with ritual animal cruelty would provide a fresh and protein-rich snack for the blood thirsty youth of today.

In the past months, we have talked quite extensively about how badly it sucks to be you all. We have talked in particular about the culture of love and compared that culture to old people doing things that you do not want to think about. Part of the flaws, to get to the heart of the matter, is how you conceive of yourself. We concieve of you poorly, many of you concieve of yourselves sexually.

AND I TRY!!! OMG GOD DON'T I TRY!??!! I TRY ALL THE TIME WITH THIS INSTITUTION.....

Also I'd like to take this unlimited time to say "Welcome new box officers," welcome to those now capable of debunking the myth of helmet saftey and Japanese Kamikaze culture, welcome to those who believe that disaster relief can come from a group of highly intoxicated ravers, and warm-wheelchair greetings to those who support internet geriatric sexuality.


Once, we were leaders of the box office revolution. No people before us had ever sold tickets to a more huddled mass of 20,000 slightly retarded people in a week's time in subzero weather and zero pay conditions. Button pushing and rowdy ID'ing caused a horrible decimation of our ranks. Pay caused us to sell your organs for science and trick little Betsy Lue by upselling tickets. God we had so many issues, so many problems doing nothing!

AND I PRAY, OH MY GOD DO I PRAY, I PRAY EVERY SINGLE DAY......

Also, may mercy be on the souls of those box officers who fell at the hands of the Marquee Manager tyrants of the time! Stolen Poster rings, orange benches, and alleged illegal video taping were some of the false accusations leveled against our stellar crew!

Background: The All-Skate Rink of Pink

We adapted..... We affirmed positive thinking through the Daily Affirmation. We taught each other the history of our noble tradition and of the worst evil workers, from the top to the very bottom. What horrors could they bring to the world if they had their horribly ugly ways?


------------------Note: I too like pink taffy color coated gums drops.... if you like them too, consider dating me please.....--------------------

AND SO I CRY SOMETIMES 
WHEN I'M LYING IN
BED

One thing we never excused was a deep self-obsession with our own bodies. Tickets were our bodies, and we'd give thousands of them out a day. We didnt mind giving those ticket bodies out, because theater workers aren't known for their sexual prowess or fun times at parties. You might disagree, but at the time we were happy ticket whores!

We tried to ignore that Larry was thirty years older than the rest of us, ---- when we held hands 2gether ---- when we affirmed positive thinking and the destruction of the modern metrosexual. Somehow we couldn't accept that he had Marvel tatoos all over his body or that he sold his only child to Capcom for money for the worst game for PS2.

-----Note: If your willing to hate me today, and hate me tommorrow, please consider dating me-----

JUST TO GET IT ALL OUT
WHAT'S IN MY HEAD

Being beautiful people inside -- according to Christina the Buddha Aguilera-- we never understood the need to refer to the material world, because while punching tickets, ripping them, and tearing them from their paper shackles, and discussing the philosophy of kamikazes with saftey helmets, the equality of theater work, and wasting time, we never saw the need to seek superficial judgements of our counterparts' bodies.

Our only concern was for a professional presence and for ticketing to movies that came out in the 1980s (Star Wars and Star Trek). Who could argue with selling tickets to Wrath of Kahn? Who could argue with the nerdy customers who knew the difference? We had non-sexual principles that involved working in a non-labor intensive way, while complaining about our pay. Who could deny the coolness of us getting $2.25 off our friends ticket prices. My pimp friends don't get to see Dreamer or Open Season for that price with their busty hoes? You MAYBE, just MAYBE, got a fundip broes.....

Who'd denied these principles? As a group, we can you assure that few ladies did.

One person changed our history and philosophy. One person helped us to formulate the problems of modern masculinity and psychology. Its important to know the self-sexual.

---note: If your asking "Superman where are you now, everything's gone wrong somehow the men of steel, men of power Are losing control by the hour," please consider dating me and bring the krypton.




The Modern Self-Sexual and the Decline of Western Civilization:

We encountered one of these self-sexuals at box office. He tried to be part of our box office club, with all of its elitist benefits. He had just learned how to punch up tickets for the first time (like an unprinted virgin ticket in the night) and was only then learning the basics of ticket ripping. Yet his mouth and his confidence got in the way.

Somehow our organization of nerds and short, breast defficient women could not accept his boastings. We were the prime examples of attractive theater workers. It is little wonder that we could not accept an upstart, who sought to present his own body as a wonder of the modern world.

He was loud and cocky. We saw his pimples... We heard his loud and gapped-filled manner of speaking. We saw his enormous nippled breastesesss that he showed to the unfortunate witnesses.

We wondered why he spoke like he was from the ghetto, yet was racist as far as the eye could see. We wondered why he was so white, and yet so "un-Able."

Note: If everytime you look at this photograph and it makes you laugh, then PLEASE DATE ME.

AND I'M FEELING
A LITTLE PECULIAR

He boasted to our group: "My penis is huge....ya you know you want it. yeah i'm so strong"

He was self-sexual because he thought of only his sexual needs and his desires. He was self-sexual because he thought of relationships in terms of the woman he desired and not what she was about. There is no strategy in self-sexuality.

Rather self-sexuals have a diminishing level of attractiveness, and a faltering level of interest from women who seek something other than an Arnold Schwerengeraerdsf's body double with no mind or personality.

We demanded that he atone for his outrageous self-sexual comments. We demanded humiliation and as vetern elk-butchers we must be satisfied!

We denied his request and revoked any possible membership into our elite club. Our breast defficient women even went so far as to proclaim him the least desirable and most obnoxious at Marquee...... His desires and plights ended in failure, and his confidence was destroyed by laughter. Time past, but the trouble with other, far worse, self-sexuals did not.

You ask, what is a self-sexual and why did we judge this particular boy so harshly when he seemed so confidant about presenting his masculinity in a way that made his whole story unbelievable? He was a small time realization of the self-sexual. Others would expose themselves, through myspace or youtube. They'd dress in pink, Axe themselves, and present all the arguments as to why metros should be trusted with nothing other than tuna packaging, and other fishy smelled items.

-----note: if you're willing to go and make things so complicated, date me please (You, April Ravine, yes you) --------



The Laws Self-Sexuality

(caption right: He-man and his woman at a foam party. Orko feels She-blocked)

To be one you must:

1. Emphasize to other men about the size of your muscles or quality of your abbs (also included is a set excercise routine focused toward "not being where you want to be," competition over the amount of pounds you cannot lift as a human being, or showing another self-sexual the proper way to lift something on your own recreational time at a public gym.)

2. Emphasize to the one woman present in your life, probably your loving and caring mother, and the many more men present about the size of your male endowment. (you have the power? who'd have thought, especially after what everyone else has been laughing about?)

3. Emphasize to everyone about how much you'd like to git wit her. (Evil-lyn doesn't do freebies)

4. Emphasize to everyone about what you think you'd do to her. (are you really master of the universe? Orko knows better)

5. Emphasize your mythological level of conquests (of what animal race, we know not) you've had in the past, stud. (BEASTMAN DOES NOT COUNT)

6. Consider wearing something that men should not wear (anything with the color pink, and/or overally tight or dramatic clothing). (Adam wears pink, he-man wears little, both are clearly wrong and perhaps thats why Skelator and company keep coming back. Orko hasnt backed off either)

7. Emphasize your feelings, your depression, or what is important to you (Should She-ra boss He-man around so much? Why does She-ra have the power and not you? Should She-ra's theme music be more important than He-man's?).

Note: HEY! If your headstrong enough to take on anyone, and I know you are wrong and this is not where you belong, then DATE DATE DATE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

AND SO I WAKE IN THE MORNING
AND I STEP OUTSIDE

8. Complain about the effect of uncontrollables on your body and mind ("the weather forced me to wear pink glovey gloves because my hands are cold. How am I gonna work out, or battle skelator, if they are cold? I have the power to stay warm!").

9. Pierce yourself in combination with the above. Diamonds are now a guy's best friend? (people are dying in Eternia!)

10. Inability to listen to classic rock, ever. (When your personal feelings become something other than hate or anger, you tend to listen to nonsense music to put you in a calm mood because mentally you can't handle normal thought. Your music tastes might classify you as a self-sexual if you listen or enjoy the ENTIRE music output of any female artist, enjoy Justin Timberlake as a solo artist, keep secret your interest in a classified EMO band, or think that Beethoven is gay)

----10th Rule Stretch-----

Ok, researchers, take out the needle from your leg, hug your mother that will remain in the next room for 20 more years, and pet the only person that loves you. Your future might not be hanging around the same high school bar forever.

Now realize that all time and space converge on you as these self-obsessions sink in. Breath deeply, speak loudly, and carry your small stick. Turn on the spanish language channel for a laugh and research lesson in the new American language, turn to the news to see how you'll blow off what's important, and purchase something uneccessary somewhere. Now back to work:



11. Actively gell and maintain a "look" for your hair because the substance in, is more important than the substance out.

12. Younger age attractiveness. Because you are creepy with your self-glorification, you tend to drive away women seeking a higher level of maturity or an acceptable legal status in society. Instead as you become more imperfect by working out more and adding more chemicals, you date increasingly younger females, who notch the metro conquest on their own pink bejeweled belts. They get scout badges for metros they make cry. Increasingly middle school aged girls rely on such cold and demeaning tactics. Evil-lyn started somewhere.)

13. Inability to committ to anything. (These qualities lead the self-sexual to be concerned not with a lasting and well balanced relationship with another person, but a selfish "me me me" attitude that leads only to social isolation and self-pleasure for the rest of your life, Yes you! Man-At-Arms).

14. Deep down all self-sexuals are like the Sorceress of Eternia. Capable of changing from a glistening falcon into a potion-weilding arch-witch, the Sorceress of Eternity has a great power over He-man's destiny and slow-transformation into costumes. As such, all self-sexuals mix and select chemical potions that turn their warty flesh into a shining extravaganza of Coconut smells and highly shiny lip gloss, and still aweful bodies. Hocus pocus magic body treatments include green tea, magic weight gaining drink dust, or pill popping lady killers (literally steroids make you do this, not cool bud, mkay?!))

15. Zealous defense of heterosexuality, in combination with all the characteristics above is a true sign of self-sexuality. You desire your own body to be so perfect that you are jealous of anyone who would compete with you, making them automatically "gay." (ask Ram-man)

Self-sexuality is about your high opinion of yourself and the happiness you have at looking at yourself. To have that high opinion, you present an artificial reality on places like the internet. The best place for self-sexuality to thrive is Myspace, where you hope your self-confidant exhibitionism will attract a message and a date from the Britney Spears bot. Youtube also offers its open curses to those who expose the should-not-be-exposed. This reality is judged by the rest of the hetero world as beyond normal thinking, and something to be eagerly and agressively laughed at.

Note: If you would, save me, and take away all these pills, so please just save me if you can from the blasphemy in my wasteland of you not dating me. PLEEEAASEE!!!

Bringing Sexy Back to a back place where hence it is hath not been broughten toward.

(A picture that simulates the famous myspace mirror picture. You feel good about you, don't you?)

First pat yourself on the back three times. By bringing sexy back, you have achieved what apparently trillions of other human beings could not. Wart and blemish removal from your back because of steroid use and hittin the mat too much are tough things for anyone to counter. As Warriors of Sexy Pink, way to go! That wart, your overweight and ugly figure, mean nothing, because its your sexyness that everyone cares about. NOT

Vanity used to be something confined to daylight, when the candles weren't turned on for fear of disturbing Grandma Edd in her study.

Now staring at yourself in the mirror means you are bringing back sexy to yourself.......

Note: If you believe that them other boys don't know how to act, I think it's special what's behind your back, which is me, Sooooo Daaaaate Meeeeeee.

AND I TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND I GET REAL HIGH
AND I SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS

Male breast exposure to an unkown public has become a growing part of the tragedy of modern self-sexuality. When the lord, the founding fathers, and Ronald Reagan got together in 1980 to invent the American language and all of humanity, the founding fathers did not suspect that humanity would cheapen his masterful creation by showing crude and degrading pictures of themselves on the internet. You're playing with fire on the devil's playground! Humanity clothed itself for centuries and it certianly didn't think about bringing sexy back with atomic weapons and genocide. Humans learned Smash Brothers and stupid sports like golf, hockey, and horse racing for a logical reason.


Humans and dwarves sought to learn high culture, terrorists and Live Action Role Players (LARP) sought to destroy society. High human culture developed as every college student learned four wrong notes to stairway to heaven on the guitar. Now society is so perfect, according to self-sexuals, that they must rip off their clothing and slather themselves in the best it has to offer. How far we have come....

Every male person who presents their body for myspace, has their soul stolen. What's worse is that people are forgetting more and more of these important lessons. Ancient Cupchooku indians in Central America, before tacos, Mel Gibson, or border fences were created, used to say that everytime their picture was drawn on a cave wall their soul would be stolen. As they invaded the besieged Apocolypto Empire through mass immigration, the Cupchooku indians had their pictures taken, and their souls stolen. The Apocolyptos and the Cupchookus learned that they must not expose themselves or the government will find them and either kill them or send them to a foreign country.

Remember the Ancient Mexican indian stories or soon you too will be deported or your family assimilated into American Southern culture. I don't want you to be red necks with two year old champion minority-killers, people who still expose themselves only to relatives. Hark our words! Kill elk in hand to hand combat, do not attack them with combs and Axe pepper spray!

God and Ronald Reagan did not invent showing abbs and sadly deformed male bodies on myspace. You all did! What more fearsome way to face our enemies across the world than to expose ourselves to them with pressed lips and flabby arms, greased hair, and pink undergarments. The fearsome Middle East will not bow (not Middle Earth, which most of you know is ruled by the horrible Hobbit band, a group of homosexual little men who run around with a wizard, a feminine elf, a dominating rogue, who would be king, and all together jump ecstatically on a bed in pjs, leaving out the women, to talk about fellowships, rings, and preciouses). You'll recall the Middle East is full of terrorists and evil-doers who will not cow to you, oh shirtless one. They wont offer you oil for anything other than to oil you in the mirror. How weak we have become......

Note: Twenty-five years and my life is still Trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination, which is a date.

HEY,
WHAT'S GOING ON?

Remember the rules!!!! Let our cultures be different! Let our shirts stay on! Let the photos not be taken of our bodies! Let you get a real job to supplant your wasted time body sculpting with old men!