GOOD LUCK.
1. The very first blog post is intended to help you with which of the following problems?
A. suicide
B. Lotus notes and its interaction with Excel
C. a valuable motivational alternative to the information you provide on your profiles
D. all of the above and more
2. According to one of the blog posts, in which my flaws most vividly come forth, my biggest problem is to _____________?
A. get a date because of the new enemies I've made...... this is a lie, I swear it.
B. pick a song or poem that totally summarizes me in the confined space of a profile/journal/quiz
C. find enough pictures of me to make up a picture post- syyaaaa good luck
D. none of the above- I aint got 99 problems, N.. E.. MO!
3. What is considered "puritanical" in Internet speak?
A. unbalanced vowels
B. the American language, invented in 1980, by the founding fathers
C. BYOB- grrrr?
D. choices A & C
E. all of the above
4. As far as I am concerned, the Yankees are responsible for which of the following?
A. being far better than the Red Sox, with history, playing ability, money, geography, and time to back it up
B. raising oil prices, because they have the money and the conspiracy
C. the ten things that Spank knows about girls, because the Yankees bought them off too
D. even though it didnt happen at the time, the Yankees hired a dog assassin, named Jet-Li Foo-Fi, a dog trained in the Tweeter bird hunting techniques of most labrador retrievers. Being only two feet high, with beautifully frazzled and manicured locks, this poodle shows young, defenseless, Red Sox fan Marc, who's boss. Thank you Don.
E. all of the above, plus Don Mattingely
5. Why is violence real?
A. because when we hit things, both the cell phone, and the person will know the difference
B. because Lincoln Parka and Evernevernescense are trained mediators, and if they write lyrics like "I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress, Head full of anger, held in my chest, Uphill struggle, Blood sweat n tears, Nothing to gain, Everything to fear" we can be assured that when the Math Squad, Phi Iota, comes around to continue their intimidation of Lincoln Parka, they will be steadfeast, clearheaded, strong, and useful against the silent but deadly Psi Proctractor or the Number Puncher to you Head, TI-83. The Squad may take their lives, but they will never take their freedom.
C. chewing on glass out of anger hurts
D. all of the above, because I am being intimidated right now and as always
E. choices A and C
6. According to the summary of campaign 2004, certian politician(s) claim to be smarter, more complex, and therefore more hopeful than their opponents. Which of the following intelligent, complex, conspiracies accurately fit the matrix of hopeful, but certianly not simple, thought?
A. always voter suppression but never voter imperfection
B. oil conspiracies will be revealed all throughout the world, including in your own car and with your allies
C. WMDs can be neither a dictator, nor physical weapons, nor exist anywhere.
D. getting testing right; not global testing, school testing, but internet profile testing
E. A and B
7. According to the LARP lifestyle, what is the significance of the pill?
A. due to their promiscuity, they frequently get pregnant, and some bold leader somewhere decided that trolls, ogres, and witches were being born in too great a number, that it would harm the humans, just think.....roleplayers and childcare......
B. rather than being activist people, who dont care, they are escapist people, who dont care. Who cares then?
C. the pills are offered by Neo to choose a life that allows them to believe as they want or believes as he shows them
D. choices B and C
E. choices A and C
Such bugs and goblins in my life!
Bonus Question:
Which pill do the LARPers take?
A. Red
B. Viagra
C. Blue
D. caffiene pills to stay up
E. Both Red and Blue
:<7th> Frame Stretch...... Ok I know your eyes are strained...there hasn't been any colors. So fold up your blue books, pause winamp with your Boy George songs that you are waiting to make into a full, worthwhile cd, rest your eyes, because the paragraphs have been reasonably short, and havent taxed your reading comprehension, nor come close to matching the degree to which you attend to your average MTV show, UNGODLY images or movies, makeup, bark contraception, dating details, or gossip... spend a few minutes and come back from your away messages, send some giggles and idle prattling to them for me.
(1...2...3...)
ok Back to Work Thou mammering full-gorged clotpole!
8. Which of the following are NOT roadblocks to Tyler's stairway to heaven?
A. all of the Mary Magdalenes
B. Steve P.
C. the French Horn as a dating tool
D. STD's
E. the evil step sisters
9. What is the significance of DCP FYS to the PIG Coalition, Thou droning flap-mouthed horn-beast! ?
A. a tiny spider, in harms way, is more important to the Coalition than people
B. a sacrifice.......feminism is entitled to eat masculinity....i.e. black widow
C. he is a powerful figure, a vicious enemy of the Demonfly Lord, Uncle Ben's Condeleeza Rice..... the black widow.........he's somebody worth saving.
D. none of the above, because its members often lack a coherent thought
E. all of the above, including D, because they were high and lacked a coherent thought
10. Which of the following Heinzes would best describe the PIG coalition's promise of revolution, Thou gleeking unwash'd measle!?
A. AS-FABR
B. R-BAD
C. WTB-P-Triple-T
D. Cold Storage Void of Least Resistance
E. DCP FYS
11. Which of the following are NOT casualties of Tyler's brutally swift sword?
A. the Proctor and Spartan heathens
B. King Coach Herod and his plan to bench him and send in a relief pitcher/kill all the first born on the team
C. Harry Potter, because Quittish is no part of track and field, and frankly I'd like the physical comparisons to stop, I thought I developed a little more respect from you people....Expecto my petronis??!?!! You're the wizard, Harry!
D. the forty thieves and Aladdin or Dirka or something, because Tyler is xenophobic.....against foriegners.... and taking them on is easy for him
E. the Pert bottle, cause its EMPTY
12. Which of the following statements properly fits my theories for human communication
A. Barbie is the model citizen. She wears pink, never you mind her trips into black leather or the army, and golly gosh darn it her grasp of political issues, and her token, drag along boyfriend. Any guy would slay a snakeman for her.
B. He-man was awesome in #214. He had Skelator right where he wanted him. It's like World War II, in 1865, where the Chinese armies defeated the Russians, and the Americans dropped the Bomb on African Americans during the Civil Rights movement in Alaska. Against such amassed strength, Skelator stood no chance against He-man's righteous historical might.
C. "Man we went to the Shed, and we was wasted. Them "young women" were hot! We was out till 12:30 in mornin! Johnny actually talked to them and I gagged on the pictures that we had been chugging......man Shamrock shakes all night and running around in circles in the McDonald's kids pen DO NOT go together. I'm hungover today..He-man is a wimp...Man what we gonna do tonight?"
D. Stepping up to tardations and obviousities everywhere.
E. all of the above
13. According to this blog, which of the following musical genuises would I critique with the following quote?
"I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. "
A. Lindsey Rohan
B. Lincoln Parka
C. April Ravine
D. Evernevernescense
E. all of the above, even though I havent gotten to Beethoven or Leonard Nimoy ("Ballad of Bilbo Baggins") yet.
14. Which of the following statements are NOT considered proper protocal in the Daily Affirmation?
A. "I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and gay" Group passes out bonnets, wrapping blankets around their heads as little pilgrims, with flowers, and spice, and everything nice, and they begin to sway, and cooing and hawing.
B. "Think of Me, Think of Me Fondly" group sings a rousing Elton John rendition from this Masked Musical, with one figure offering to disconnect from the circle and play air piano, while borrowing a child's WILD pair of large sunglasses from the lost and found, adding their own spaced out, orange and red, pre-work attire...all to help you dedicate it to Cindy Lauper-Anderson, your dream girl, because Stacy's mom, who is white, upper middleclass, drives an SUV, does have it going on.
C. "unidentified realife superhero: The Walmart pricecheck was the worst moment of my life. Female Clerk: We're sorry, sir(?), but we're currently out of Axe body spray, gell, AND shower body wash. They've discontinued the product. No more Orion, Phoenix, or Apollo for you, stud..... OMG......panic!.... My skin oozed sweat, my pores reacted as if I hadnt moisterized in three hours, and I stunk and still smell right now, as never before. Would I need to use industrial shampoo, like the prisoners, or their fallen-in-the-shower, devil Dove soap? I felt as if Bath and Body works was reeling me in more and more like an applebobber in one of their fruity bubble bath containers." the response from the group was "thatssss messsed up maaan." brutally vocal, unwelcoming, and full of consternation.
D. "I'm happy to report that coalition leaders have announced that Orange Degreaser stocks are up 200% this season alone. As a token of appreciation, the coalition leaders would like me to spray you with the new chemicals, to test out the smell, but you should be warned.....that should the chemical reach your eye, you will suffer massive pain equivalent to a cobra bite, and it will have to be cut out on the spot, resulting in a poorly executed surgerical operation, much crying and time-wasting sentimentality, and our vicariously understanding your pain and termination with the company. But we do keep your eye." response "OOOhs and high fives.
E. "Celebrate Punctuality," to the latecomers arrival, glorious watch checking, kazoo and trinket playing, loud applause, and "woof woofs" from the group.
Get thee to a nunnery!!
15. The Purpose of the Title of this post does NOT relate to which of the following:
A. the dramatic teen masterpiece, in line with the great movies of all time.....Brave Little Toaster (a new movie every year since 1900), Cabin Fever (2003), House of the Dead (2003), Paint Drying (Now), Self-Immolation (Now), where I make the comparison that certian archiac rules will not allow you, Bianca the younger and popular sister, to date or use the evils of the internet/culture, until I (get Julia Styles.) to get you to change your ways and date myself.
B. Excuses to insult you by neatly pegging you in exact social roles, that like the movie and the Shakespeare play (by the bard himself, 1982, under inspiration from Eminem. Skakespeare had one shot, and no joke Dr. Dre gave it to him), will not allow you to escape. I hate you because of what I've made of you.
C. you are Shrews that I am attempting to date, you ugly little rodents, you "weedy dread-bolted pignuts!"
D. use of at least 15 generated Shakespearan insult phrases throughout this quiz
E. none of the above
How did you do, you "saucy motley-minded mumble-news!?" Not living up to everyone's expectations, once again? Make sure you check your answers, mmmkk?
RESULTS POSTED NEXT TIME
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